"You lot are really good"
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
MINCE 7
TATTIES 7
No it isn't made up. We have actually been complemented on being really good. Not just good, but really good. People, yesterday our game evolved from it's usual mediocrity to really good. Feel proud.
Last nights game certainly saw an increase in quality, although that isn't saying a lot considering the monstrsity of a game that was last week. It certainly helped not to be playing in an oven, although the heavy rain at the end of the game wasn't ideal either.
For the first time in weeks there were no outsiders playing. Not even Dave, although he was guilty of some dubios behaviour before the game. He was witnessed taking photos of Craigs legs and, given the pain felt by Craig during the game, one can only assume that Dave had made a voodoo doll and was sticking pins into it. He'll have some explaining to do when he returns next week.
Also back was Tam the Bam. Rumours of his demise were, apparently exagerrated. As it turned out he had been missing the last few weeks because he had undergone some genetic engineering which had enhanced his footballing ability. He actually looked like a football player in spells this week.
Si and Craig also decided to join us. Unfortunately for Craig, Dave's actions with the voodoo doll severely affected his performance this week and he had to go in goals a few times because the pain in his feet was too great.
Iain also jetted back for the game. His transfer negotiations with Barcelona broke down, and he returned to Glasgow to turn out for the mighty Tatties. Spanish side Mallorca are currently in talks with the Barker brothers, and they are expected to announce a deal some time this week. The dream team of last week was re-united: Me, Iain, Marty, Luke and Neil. And we started in the same way as last week - storming into a 3-1 lead. Despite Christiano opening the scoring (well, it is tradition to let him have the first goal) I scored the equaliser. Yes, me! My first goal since the dizzy days of May, when I expected to score every week.
It was a measure of how well we played that the ball was only hit out the pitch twice. I am proud to say that I did it both times! Although the first time was really Christianos fault. At 3-1 up I decided to go in goals. Christian got the ball and did what he does best (no, not kick Iain) - hit the ball as hard as he can in the direction he's facing. Unfortunately that was towards me. I would like to say I heriocally dived to save it, sacrificing myself for the team. In reality the ball smashed me on the face before I could even see it, and rebounded about six miles away.
The next few minutes are hazy, although I do remember Tam the Bam coolly slotting the ball past me to end my time in goals.
Us Tatties then began to play some damn fine football. We stormed into a 6-3 lead which could have been more. I missed a sitter after a great cut back from Neil. With the goal gaping I scooped the ball straight at Alan. In my defence I would like to say that I found the new ball really difficult to control for the whole game, it seemed a bit lighter than the old one.
By this time the rain had became really heavy. Being the warriors that we are it never affected us though. Except Luke. The poor guy couldn't see out his glasses by this stage. Add to that his wonder save of earlier (whilst I used my head to block a netbound shot, Luke had the misfortune to use a considerably more tender spot). It looked mightily painful although, to his credit, he never cried.
Needless to say we managed to throw away our 6-3 advantage. Tam, his genetic engineered body co-ordination growing stronger by the minute, added another couple of goals (which gave him a hat-trick folks) and it was 6-6. And there was still time to lose the game completely.
Iain scored a cracker to restore our lead but Si wasn't going to let us win. No, he couldn't just let me win this one time. Nope. He ran through and, with me sprawling on the deck ready to save his shot, coolly chipped it over me to make it 7-7. It was really, really irritating.
The match ended with the rain pouring down and everyone reasonably satisfied with the result. For us Tatties, at least we never lost. For the Mincies, they had the greatest fightback in ages to crow about. Tam had his hat-trick. Me and Iain had avoided defeat. And Christian had his blood.
Man of the Match - Tam
For his hatrick and ability to take two weeks off and play better than before!
Goal of the Match - Si
Goal of the match has to be Si's chip to make it 7-7. He sold me a dummy when he went to shoot, although I still felt that I had the goal covered okay. His chip over me was perfect.
Miss of the Match - Mikey
I seem to get a lot of misses of the match these days. My miss from Neils cutback was pretty bad. It was definitely the balls fault.
Save of the Match - Luke
Any man who blocks puts his manhood on the line like Luke did deserves an award. Possibly the bravest act since we started, even braver than him sticking his glasses in the way of a Marty thunderbolt.
Player ratings
Mince
Alan - 7
As always Big Al strolled through the game. He actually made a couple of runs forward and even threatened a shot on goal at one point. Fortunately his brain took over and he resisted the urge, or an innocent passer by three miles away could well have been injured.
Si - 8
Great game from Si. He was everywhere (as always) but his coolness in front of goal saved his team at the end. He was also unlucky when another goal was disallowed for handball.
Christian - 7
Good game from Christian. Tried his best to curb his natural instincts. He is jinxed though, only he could have hit me in the face with that shot. I'll swear his eyes turned red just before he hit the shot.
Craig - 7
Craig suffered from his foot injury. In his own words: "it was fine going forward when I could move in ways that wasn't sore, but when I was defending and had to move other ways it hurt". Despite this he still caused us problems down our left side.
Tam - 8
Tam seemed to be possessed by Zinidene Zidane this week. His hat-trick was truly remarkable and totally unexpected. There has definitely been some shady goings on with him the last few weeks. Might I suggest random drug tests after matches from now on...
Tatties
Me - 8
Not only did I put the team before my head but I also scored twice this week. Twice! Woohoo!
Iain - 8
Scored a crucial goal to give us a 7-6 lead. Spent most of his time being kicked off of Christian.
Marty - 8
Some smashing goals, as always. One from a tight angle left Tom sleepless last night as he frantically tried to figure out how the ball had squeezed in.
Luke - 8
The movement between our team was really good, and Luke took up some brilliant positions. Was even braver than me when he threw his goolies in the way of the ball to stop a certain goal. Needs window wipers on his glasses.
Neil - 8
Neil was really up for the game. Whilst our movement was good, Neil also helped a lot in us keeping our shape at the back and made some great tackles. In fact, we were just brilliant and should have won about 14-7. Hell, we should have overturned their lead from last week we were so magnificent!