Through the looking glass.
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
MINCE 4 (Craig 3, Tam)
TATTIES 5 (Marty 3, Mikey, Luke)
Neil wins, Alan doesn't, Marty goes top, there are only nine goals total, Christian doesn't hurt anyone but gets hurt himself, Luke is on time but we're all late and Tom got several man of the match votes. All in one game.
In true television tradition, the game that finally got filmed turned out to be the least incident packed, slowest, and most goal devoid game of them all. The main reason for this was the heat. It was hard to believe we were playing in 70 degree sunshine after last weeks atrocious conditions. In addition, in true Powerleague tradition, we were playing on another monstrosity of a surface.
By the time the first goal was scored both Christiano and Luke had had goals disallowed for encoraching into the area. I had saved from Alan and skinned all my elbow in the process. And we were all sufferring from heatstroke. In fact, until Marty broke the deadlock for the Tatties in 23 minutes, a goalless draw was not out of the question.
Despite Alans best efforts in goal I made it 2-0 with a left-footed strike. And, again despite getting a hand to it, Marty beat him to make it 3.
A great goal by Craig gave the Mince some hope. His strike from distance struck the inside of the post as it fired into the goal. He followed up this up with another excellent finish to make it 3-2.
By now the game was being played at a walking pace (Si excepted). Indeed there was something wonderfully sadistic about waiting for Tam to nearly reach you before passing the ball back to the keeper. Luke scored a belter to make it 4-2 to the Tatties, before Marty finished off a great move between him and Iain to make it 5-2. As well as completing his hat-trick it would prove to be the decisive goal which ensures he takes over the title of King Midas.
Trying to get back into it, Christiano thumped the post with a shot before Tom slotted home to make it 5-3.
Craig ensured that Neils fingernails would be chewed up to his elbows by making it 5-4 with about five minutes to go. But, being the tactical masters that we are, us Tatties simply sat back and used 'cattennacio' techniques to hold on to victory.
I nearly made it 6-4 with a stunning strike which was excellently saved by the Creeks. Big Christiano was recovering from a horrific (and extremely funnily looking) injury he sustained when intercepting a through ball to me. Not content with blocking the ball, he stood on it and the resultant loss of balance and tumble was reminiscant of a skyscraper crashing to the ground.
Shortly after, possibly still feeling groggy from the effects of his skinless elbow, he was running through on goal when he horrifically miscontrolled and ran the ball straight into the keeper. It was to prove a costly miss and Alans long reign as King is over.
Man of the Match - Tom
Feel free to cut this out and keep it Tom. I know you've just achieved your lifetime ambition by getting this award. He thoroughly deserved it for a goal, and for getting the ball off me.
Goal of the Match - Marty
I liked Luke's goal, Christiano thought Craig's but Marty gets it because Iain was so insistant (he is already in a big enough sulk about Tom getting MOTM). Great interplay between them and a cool finish past Tom (no mean feat - we all know what a great goalie Tom is).
Miss of the Match - Luke
Luke surpassed an incredible collection of wild shots by managing to clear two pitches with one effort.
Save of the Match - Christiano
Christianos stop from my late thunderbolt effort was worthy of save of the match. I must admit I thought it was a goal until he streteched out one of his ten foot long legs to block it.
Fall of the Match - Christiano
A fall that words cannot do justice to. It really was that funny.
Player ratings
Mince
Tom - 8
Constantly harried the Tatties and also found time to beat me a few times (not to mention his brilliant turn to beat Neil). He scored a good goal too.
Alan - 7
As the main defender for the Tatties he performed well, although his shooting leaves a lot to be desired.
Christian - 7
Disapointed on the hacking front by not maiming anyone. Hit the post two or three times.
Si - 7
Couldn't weave his usual magic on the game. This could be due to rustiness having missed a few weeks or (more likely) due to our stunning defensive display.
Craig - 8
Scored three terrific goals and kept his team in the game. Gaining a reputation as the wing-king for his skills down the right side.
Tatties
Luke - 7
Played remarkably well considering he was suffering from asthma due to the intense heat. Got himself into the Guiness Book of Records for the "Most Wild Shot on Goal Ever". And his bit of skill with the ball between his legs (get your minds out of the sewer people!) was superb.
Me - 7
I disappointed myself because I was really wanting to nutmeg Alan again this week. I scored with my left foot which has made the game memorable for me.
Marty - 8
Unusually all his goals were cool finishes instead of his trademark thunderbolts. Also set up me for my goal with a great backheel.
Iain - 7
TV evidence suggests he took a dive when Tom challenged him. He certianly fell with remarkable ease. Linked well with Marty for the pick of Martys goals.
Neil - 8
Neil actually won a game!! Despite some jittery moments when it went to 5-4 he broke his winless run. He isn't jinxed any more!