The epic!
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
MINCE 12
TATTIES 12
The wind howled... the rain lashed down... ten gladiators strode from the field of battle after an encounter Maximus Decimus Berilius would have found too taxing...
To be fair, Maximus would never have stayed long enough to endure being pushed to the extremes of human physical endurance. He would have got too squeamish after seeing the carnage which Christian leaves in his wake. Legs, arms, heads, ears, noses and (especially) shins are all hacked off with glee by one of Christians sword-like feet. The Ancient Romans can't even imagine such a gruesome sight.
Deprived of his pre-match steroids Christian was much more disciplined last night. He never floored me until injury time this week. Who knows, maybe one week we will go a whole game without him decking anyone?
Last nights match was undoubtedly the EPIC of the season so far. Not since the 16-16 draw back on March 10 has a game been so close. But this game had more: the wild conditions and controversial ending added to the spectacle of the match. The rain lashed down (spoiling attempts to provide live coverage of the match) and the wind howled. In addition to this we were on a tiny pitch which was the definition of the word minging. Bits of rubber everywhere. I was cleaning them out of orafaces I didn't even know I had after the game. No doubt there are still some wee bits of rubber in various cavities about my person.
As is becoming the norm, there was a degree of tactics to the match. The Tatties had Dave sweeping up at the back, Luke and Neil in midfield, with Marty firing them in up front. I was either in goals performing wonder saves (no mention of the one that slipped through my fingers please) or upfront trying to help Marty.
The Mincers had Alan performing the sweeper role. Tam and Craig were in the middle most of the time, whilst Christian roamed about up front. Although Christian moved deeper as the game went on. Meanwhile, Iain was normally stuck up in the corner. He seemed to spend most of the game trapped in there.
Despite an early strike from Iain some of the best football of the season saw us Tatties surge into the lead. We passed, we moved, we were damn good in spells.
The highlights of the match came in the dying seconds. In sixty nine minutes (yup, that's the sixty ninth minute of a one hour game) time stood still for Mr T Barker. The Mince had fought back gallantly to level the match through another Iain strike. As time ran out the ball looped towards Tom, who had only the keeper to beat. We all held our breath. Everything moved in slow motion as he struck the ball. It gently rolled into the corner of the net.
As Rocky style scenes followed, and Tom was hoisted aloft his teammates shoulders, certain unhonourable Mincemen tried to claim full time. Being the noble guys we Tatties are we managed to get another five minutes out of them. Marty took it upon himself to level the match for the final time with a trademark thunderbolt.
A draw was definitely the right result, simply for the fact that everyone played well. It was hard on Neil, who still hasn't won since nineteen canteen, and who almost broke down in tears when the game failed to end after 60 minutes. At least he never lost this week though.
Man of the Match - Mikey Tamba
The number of quality balls he put thourhg allowed his Tattie team mates to score the goals. Not only that but he had another splendid session in the goals. (Iain)
Goal of the Match - Neil
Neil finished off a great move with a brilliant control and volley into the net. Other notable mentions were Toms strike and Martys weekly thunderbolt.
Miss of the Match - Dave
As the only man to clear the pitch, Dave has to be this weeks winner. Having scored some great strikes, it was hugely disappointing when he launched this one towards Greenock.
Save of the Match - Me
Marty voted for a one handed save from me and, in the absence of any dissenters, I'll go for it too. Although I don't remember much about it, my memory is fixed on the feelings afterwards when I looked at myself: Soaking wet, and with zillions of wee black rubber bits stuck to me. It wasn't worth it.
Player ratings
Mince
Tom - 8
Deprived of his moment of glory by a Marty strike seconds later but gave his best performance to date. The final goal he scored showed coolness, which is something he was lacking in previous weeks.
Alan - 8
Typically outstanding defensive display from the King. Although he almost lost his place at the top this week. He recovered remarkeably from getting smacked in the face by the ball early on.
Christian - 8
An incredibly disciplined defensive performance. Pre-match we all expected another 6 goal haul on the smaller pitch, but he surprised us all by tackling back effectively. He is particularly good at tacklind and blocking because his legs will stretch as required to get the ball.
Iain - 8
Despite spending an incredible amount of time trapped in the corner, he rallied his troops superbly towards the end of the match. Scored the all important equaliser in the 68th minute (which was captured on camera).
Craig - 8
Craig kept up the good form he has been in recently. Constantly raced up and down the right wing, tiring out all who chased after him.
Tatties
Luke - 8
Ronaldhino was at it again with some brilliant tricks and turns. Put on a superb goalkeeping display late on when the game became more stretched.
Me - 8
My new boots inspired me to unforseen heights. Well, not quite, but I played as well as I have. I was grateful for the extra time 'coz I grabbed a couple of goals to keep up my record of scoring every week.
Marty - 8
The Hammer got the final goal of the match after another impressive display. His shots are so powerful only a madman (or Alan) would attempt to stand in the way.
Dave - 8
Making his second appearance Dave had a superb game in defense. After scoring a few early goals he sat deeper. Possibly this was because of his superb tactical awareness, or maybe he was just mortified by the shot he skied out the park.
Neil - 8
Neil deserved to be on the winning side (if there had been one). He gave everything to try and ensure victory but, unfortunately, as a result of the dodgy timekeeping he is still without that elusive victory.