Return Of The King
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
MINCE 14
TATTIES 11
A storming finish ensured victory for the mince and kept up the teams 100% record since the introduction of strips and even crappier sounding team names (only kidding Iain).
Both teams were at full strength, with the Mince welcoming back Christiano after his one game suspension last week.
And it was an explosive start - before any of us Tatties had drawn breath we were 2-0 down and a rout seemed to be on the cards.
A mistake from the comeback king Christian let the tatties back in it. Neil's shot would not have caused a problem to most people as it trundled along the ground towards the keeper. However, when you are over ten foot tall with legs the size of small buildings, bending down can be a problem. By the time Christian had got himself in position to pick up the trundling ball, it had rolled through his legs and into the goal. Moments later a horrific throw from the same player game me a chance and, using my predatory instincts and incredible goal scoring instinct, I slotted the ball past the gangly man.
After this explosive opening things steadied. It did have an affect on the tatties (in my humble opinion anyway). Having had to chase the game so early on, they tired towards the end. This proved to be the difference in the last five minutes.
Long before then the game had progressed into a bruising encounter. With the Mince inflicting most of the bruises. Alan flattened Iain, causing Iain to yell "oh flip" or words to that effect. Christian developed his own sport which involved splatting innocent Tattie players against the sideboards (I'm fighting against a mashed potato joke here guys).
During this war-like period of the game I used my predatory instincts to race through on goal but was shockingly and cynically hacked as I ran clear. This unbalanced me and I missed (narrowly and damn unluckily I may add), but more importantly - it bruised my shin. And it hurts! I don't know who it was but I'm going to get you back you filthy, hacking mince bas...
Anyway, back to the game. I had a free kick given against after the ball clearly played my arm (you'd have to be an idiot to suggest it was deliberate).
Things calmed down a bit as the game wore on. The shiny new ball (purchased at Greaves for £15 for those who don't check the website) was proving difficult to control, pass and shoot with. At least it did for me and Iain. Craig and Si were men possessed.
With 20 minutes left the Mince had moved into a three goal lead. I had had a pretty bad five minutes - culminating in a wild kick out, under no pressure, which cleared about three neighboring pitches. Even Tom scored a wonder goal - beating Neil and cutting inside before slotting the ball past the despairing Craig.
Like the incredible warriors we are, the Tatties fought back. Well, Craig did at least. With five minutes left we had stormed into a one goal lead. And we were defending okay for that period.
By this stage Si had became little more than a blur - sprinting here and there, gaining possession, playing killer passes and almost losing the ball with a wild shot over the bar, net and into a bush across the car park.
As the Mince pushed forward, Marty struck a post with a superb swerving shot. Eventually they got the equaliser their pressure deserved and, with the Tatties tiring, moved ahead 11-10.
Personally, the last ounces of energy I had left me when I tried to fire a shot past Alan. He blocked it and the ball ricocheted back, smashing me on the nose. I went in goals, and wasted no time in letting Marty strike past me to make it 12-10.
The Mince then sat back and were content to strike on the break. A late strike by Neil did little more than make the scoreline more reflective of the game. Victory to the Mince 14-11, and the hoops conquer once more!
Man of the Match - Si
Another inspirational performance from Si. He ran rings round the tatties, to the point where I personally am considering making an effort to get myself fit so that I may be able to tackle him at some point.
Goal of the Match - Craig
A wonder run from Craig. He beat umpteen mincers, cut inside, and slid in to fire the ball into the net and rip his leg open in the process. For sheer bravery, this has to win the award this week.
Save of the Match - Si
Another award for the Si. I don't remember the save, but Marty says it was a - one handed reflex stop from Iain - which sounds good.
Miss of the Match - Si
The balloon over the fence wins this. For a moment it was doubtful if the ball would ever be seen again.
Player ratings
Mince
Alan - 7
Good game from Queen Midas. Played solidly - if anything a little too solid when he flattened Iain and threatened an all out barney.
Martie P - 8
Good performance, full of goals, passing and even a wonder save from my backheeled effort (which I had visions of being goal of the century before I hit it).
Si - 9
The man is on fire. A hat-trick of awards. Pace. Stamina. What more can you say???
Tom - 7
The red boots left him a little bit scared of going near the ball early on, but Dorothy came into the game and scored a smashing goal
Christiano - 7
Seemed a bit too intent on mashing tatties for much of the game, but his big lanky legs were used effectively for tackling at times.
Tatties
Iain - 6
Surprisingly lack of control with the ball. What he really needs is a pair of red Tom superboots - they would make a difference.
Craig - 8
Would have been man of the match but for the fact that our team lost. He rivals Si for speed, and the slides he does on that astroturf make me wince.
Luke - 7
Didn't show the Ronaldinho moves of last week, but played well and had a run of good saves again.
Neil - 7
Neil had a solid game, scored a couple of good goals (including the thunderbolt through the chuckle brothers legs) but his losing jinx strikes again.
Me - 7
Not a particularly inspired performance from myself. It felt like every time I got the ball Christian would take a step from the other side of the pitch to tackle me.
TEH RED SHOES!
Tom's "special" shoes!