Birth of The Mince & Tatties
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
MINCE 12
DARK DESTROYERS 10
A controversial franchise name change saw new strips, new players, and a new order being fashioned in the latest battle at the Powerleague Superdrome.
Firstly the strips: The mince (I mean who thinks of these team names - it might be a better name than the bloody black widow spiders but it hardly has the same ring as Real Madrid or AC Milan, does it??) were wearing a snazzy Queens Park outfit, resplendent with numbers and an official SFA badge.
We also had a new player - Marty Mark II. He had long hair and was fashionably late. He was also good, which meant an eleventh hour re-jigging of the teams. This was not helped by Christian's suspension from last week (The SFA having evoked a one game ban for his violence towards Alan).
As for the new order: The reign of Alan Gillies is over!! The dreamteam of Iain and Alan has been defeated!!! The King is dead, long live the King!
Kick-off was held up by the non-appearance of certain individuals (Marty II and Neil), which meant a quick 4 a-side game before the serious stuff started. This game was notable for the fact that Tom scored. The reason why this was memorable will become clear later.
When the serious stuff started it was a typically cagey opening. The Mince had to adopt a new formation to fit in Mark II - Mark I dropped back into a supporting role whilst I adopted a midfield anchor position. Honestly, it was all a pre-planned tactic!
Neil opened the scoring with a blistering shot from distance. I hurt my big toe (it's all bruised and black) when I heroically blocked an Iain Cochrane thunderbolt (three words you don't hear very often). Fortunately it was my left foot, which is only used for standing on, so it didn't really affect my play.
The game then went into its usual pattern - goals galore, with most of them scored by Marty II. With only a few minutes left, the Tatties trailed by three. It was at this point that I shall refer you back to the Tom Barker goal during the warm up match. This was especially memorable now because, to the casual observer watching him play, you would have thought he had no idea what a goal was - much less how to score one. His increasing desperation to get his name on the scoresheet was summed up by a wild slash at a shot in the dying minutes, which almost flew out of the park and endangered the parked cars behind the pitch.
Luke Barker, in contrast, was having a stunning time in goal for the Mince. Save followed save as Iain and Si's strikes were constantly repelled. Unfortunately he spoiled this performance somewhat by admitting afterwards: "I didn't want to save them - I was trying to let one in so I would get a shot out of goals again but they were all just reflex."
With the last kick of the ball Alan scored to narrow the gap to two, but it was the final effort of a man who had saw his unbeaten record smashed. "Something had to give, with both of us on the same side," commented Neil. "I always lose, he always wins - it was a shame it was his record that had to be broken."
Man Of The Match - Marty I
A controversial decision here - Mark II was all set to take the title until he was controversially disqualified. But Mark I had a great game: scored a few, set up umpteen, and even helped out in defence loads. A special mention also to Si and Luke, both of whom had super games.
Goal Of The Match - Neil
A rocket shot from Neil to open the scoring gets the vote this week. Neil has had a tough time - despite a fine individual performance he lost again. Just don't mention the magic number.
Miss Of The Match - Luke
Luke's effort was a worthy winner of this title this week. Rumour's are circulating that Glasgow airport had to divert planes out of the path of this shot, such was the altitidue it managed to obtain.
Save Of The Match - Luke
Two awards for Luke. He made some smashing saves towards the end of the game, which sealed victory for the Mince. I think we should also mention Ian's stop from the attempted chip of Mark II.
Player Ratings
Mince
Marty P - 8
Inspirational performance from he of the poncy hair. Scored a few and set up hunners!
Craig - 7
Solid outing from the fit one. His gloves are getting a bit worn though.
Luke - 8
Storming performance. Maradona-like control on the ball, Harald Brattbakk predatory instincts in front of goal!
Me - 7
Bravely battled on despite Alan attempting to break my legs in an early challenge.
Marty C - 3
Scored a couple of totally jammy goals.
Tatties
Iain - 7
Not the performance we all expect from the 8-goal hero of a few weeks ago. Luke was too great a barrier this time.
Si - 8
Carried his team with a great display, but Luke proved to big a barrier for him.
Alan - 6
King Midas loses his crown!! Alan played okay, but loses a mark for the brutal hacking of me (I hope it wasn't pay back for any of my match reports!)
Neil - 7
Rounded up a good display with goal of the game. Also scored against me (which is very hard to do, I'm sure you'll all agree).
Tom - 6
Not one of his best games as he didn't get his usual goal or two. Did score in the warm up (again against me so it must have been a stunning strike).