Last week we had the Hat of Doooom. This week we start bringing in the ringers! Stu's got something on tonight, Martie is away with work and Si still has sore baws from two weeks ago - ouch! Kyle and William make up the ten.
Teams are also up and I'm trying to mix it up as much as possible at the moment so everyone gets to play in the same team as everyone else at least once at the beginning.
Last night saw the closest game of the season so far. It was neck and neck all the way through with the Tatties getting a few goals at the end to pinch the win. The scoreline definitely flattered the the Tatties as it felt more like a one goal game. Well played to all as it was a great game to play in and everyone fought hard.
Stats (for all they're worth at this point in the season) and MOTM are up - away and vote please.
Next week Stu ain't playing (not sure why) so no Hat of Dooooom.
Remember and indicate if you want to play in the Ian Younger Sixes tournament this year.
First off, teams are up for tonight.
Secondly, Martie is recruiting for his squad to play in the Ian Younger Sixes tournament. It's a charity thing organised by a guy at Queens Park (where our original Mince tops came from) and it's basically a round robin group based competition with the winners progressing to the knockout stages. It's 6-a-side on half a full sized pitch and is played on grass.
This year it's on Saturday 23rd June at The National Savings Bank Sports & Social Club at Cowglen. Starts about 11ish and goes on all day with beers and so on at night. Stu, Gordo, Jon and myself played last year on a roasting day and it was a good laugh, even though we didn't score any goals. Martie's looking for a squad of about nine so if you want to play add a comment to this post please.
Martie passed his late fitness test this morning which meant we had a full squad. The also meant that the Hat of Doom was back and with it, Mr David Gibson (who has done all the HoD draws in the past). Dave delved deep and drew out a folded up post-it note with one name upon it. That name was.... Donny!
Teams to follow.
We are awaiting a late fitness test of Martie who knackered his foot playing on Saturday. If he's out then there will be no Hat of Doom. This is assuming Stu is over the lurgie and OK for this week.
I'll let you all know as soon as I do.
Great game last night lads - nice and close all the way through. The Mince went into an early lead but were quickly pegged back by the Tatties who then went on to take the lead. The Tatties then got tired and a spirited fight back got the Mincers back to within one goal but it wasn't quite enough and the Tatties held on for the win.
Next week Karl is back so if everyone's fit/well then the HoD could be out.
Stu was a late call off last night but Kyle is going to play. I'm just going to do a straight swap Stu for Kyle in the teams if that's OK for everyone - I knew there was no point picking the teams early!
Teams are up - how about that? I mixed up last week's teams so we were playing with different people and it worked out to be an IDOX vs SEPA & Co split so kept it.
A good, close game to start the season off. Neck and neck for most of the way through the game and only two goals in it at the end.
Next week Gordo should be back and Karl will be on holiday which should mean we have ten hardcore. If anyone can't play then please let me know as soon as. The plan is to try and get the teams up as early as possible this season.
We almost had a Hat of Dooooom situation this week but Karl, who is going on a skiing holiday in a few days decided (or at least his girlfriend did) that it wouldn't be wise to play today in case he got injured.
With that, we had 10 regulars all set to play until this morning when Gordo came in with a sore knee after his Tuesday night game. Trusty Kyle was willing and able to step up and so we now have 10.
Teams are up but who knows how it will go tonight - a lot will depend on the number of mince pies eaten over the festive period I reckon! Martie suggested that when we have a few games under our belts that we go back to selecting the teams based on the league positions - 1 v 2, 3 v 4, etc. Any thoughts on that? It might be a bit hard to do with 11 players and also with ringers playing now and again but we'll give it a go.
Anyway, good luck for tonight everyone as we enter our fourth season here at Fitbaw!
Thanks to Si and Jon for doing the awards last year. Si has been kind enough to furnish me with the speech from the night so you can enjoy the hilarity whenever you please.
What a year!
It kicked off with Creeky taking an unexpected position at the top of the stats table. We all felt a little deflated but none more so than our man in the Ivory Tower, Iain. He carried out some statistics on some complicated spreadsheet and concluded there might have been a chance that he wouldn't win the coveted Player of the Year title if this continued. So a plan was hatched.
He took to dirty dealings and bribed Big Stu, and specifically Big Stu's foot which, just a few games into the season, became acquainted with Creeky's face. Creeky's nose was broken and he was destined to be toppled from the table top.
Not so! Creeky made a dramatic return, and return to form. With playing by the rules not working, Iain tried another dirty trick and enlisted the help of the Raging Bull, Craig Heighton. On Creeky's return, the Bull saw to it that Creeky and a wall would become friends, and the wall saw to it that Creeky's teeth would be removed. Another forced absence for the big man. But strangely he still remained top of the table...
Now it was getting silly. Even playing in a ludicrous, if coordinating, gumshield could not hamper the big man's propensity for accumulating points, and his lead extended.
"God Damn It!" Iain cursed, and not only because of his sorry mid-table standing - he was also losing his grip on the refereeing of the game as a number of arguments were starting. Arguments over whether the ball had crossed the goal line, whether the ball was handled outside the area, and whether goals should be discounted just because Neil wasn't looking ("I shouted ball in") were becoming all too familiar. Outside help was needed and Iain made The Call, to a man with surveillance equipment, and our first game was televised, for pint per view, on Tambacam.
Shortly after our first outing on the small screen, Iain used the television evidence and noted a rule discrepency. He cited drugs. He said performance-enhancing drugs had been used, hidden in the gumshield of Christain Graham, and the player was sent on extended leave from fitbaw. We can only imagine that the 'shingles' excuse used in the press was a cover up. Oh how the truth comes out. Creeky was banished by Iain 'Sepp Bletter' Cochrane. But Creeky, for your services to the NHS, please accept your award.
So with a player down, we looked to the reserves. It was quite telling that, with the choice of Stevie, Kyle, William, Scotty and Donny at our disposal, when Alan went AWOL one week, we chose the Nations favourite: Random Stan.
In a pique of fury, on Alan's return the following week, he booted the ball over the goal, over the fence, over the boundary, over the road and under Long Distance Clara's articulated lorry. I think I speak for us all when I say I wish Random Stan had been there instead. To Alan - the gie my ball back mister award.
This year also saw the return of Neil, enthusiastic as ever. In fact, never before have I seen a man jump and chase after a ball with so much excitement, saliva dripping from his mouth as he runs. It seems that the doctor who carried out the repairs on the wee man's leg may have been a vet and mistakenly spliced his bone with that of a dog. Neil, your award for "Scottish Terrier Impression of the Year". Catch! Down Boy!
But as Neil arrived full time, one player went almost part time. Martie thought it acceptable to put Rangers, gigs and Scotland internationals before our mighty battles. But he did get on the telly once so, for "Scottish Sports TV Personality of the Year", Martie you get this award.
As the season progressed, the harmony was broken and things hotted up. Two players didn't see eye to eye (but then it is quite difficult to see eye to eye with Craig, he is quite wee), and two handbags came out. For Foxy and Craig, their two fortunes could not have been more different. Foxy, for most man of the match awards, gets "Players' Player of the Year"; and Craigo gets an ASBO.
Taking evasive measures after these ugly scenes, we all retired to consider. Karl seemed to take it all quite seriously, though, and must have furiously studied Karate Kid I, II and III. He came back after Mr Myagi's teachings with a new-found weapon, a defensive and attacking high kick. No can defence! For this, Karl, you get this award.
Maybe he was just shielding his eyes from the sun with his feet, though. Some of the searing temperatures we played in this summer were quite extraordinary. There were ding dong battles over which team would play out of the shadows, because, like ten wicked witches of the west, none of us wanted to face the sun. Iain again came to what he would like to call the rescue, and came up with some new rules. We would swap ends every half hour! Or three times a game! No, after every goal! Hell, just when I tell you to! The power was clearly going to his head. The squad felt oppressed. We revolted, and ended up just carying on as normal. But, for his mighty efforts at keeping charge and name and shaming those who don't vote in the Man of the Match, he has to get an award. So, "Communist Dictator of the Year" goes this year to Iain.
And also this, a token of our thanks for keeping the website running and the numbers up.
Moving on, two new faces came to town. For one, who plays like Pele but dresses like a proper Charlie (Stevie, those socks...), you get this award - Stop Taking the Piss. And for the other, a man with tricks and an eye for goal but who, like his namesake Kylie Minogue, is also a solo artist, never passing the ball, you get the Spinning Around Award.
Time is moving on, but then who's keeping time? Certanliy not Gordo, if a match in mid summer is anything to go by. With his team already trailing by three and without our commander Iain to tell us the time, Gordo took it upon himself to blow for full time as he strode back towards his noisy car, steam fizzing out his ears. It didn't feel like we'd been playing for an hour, and that's probably because we had only played forty minutes. At least one of us was home, showered, changed and fed in time for the half seven showing of Coronation Street that night.
Well, Gordo, for actually being one of the better players in the squad yet still finding yourself rooted to the bottom of the stats table, I'm afraid you get the Learner Award. Maybe learning to get better team mates, I don't know...
Which just leaves us with one Gong to give out. For a sterling effort throughout the year, and for some silly goal celebrations, Stuart, you are this years POTY. Now get to the bar!
[applause. Jon and Si carried to the bar on shoulders]
Labels: awards
So here it is in all its glory - fitbaw.org! Hurrah! It took a bit longer than I wanted to get up and running but I'm glad it's done for the start of the new season.
There are still a few glitches to work out - archive, links and media still to get up and running but hopefully that should get sorted out over the next few weeks.
If anyone has any ideas for what should go into the links section then I'd love to hear them. The idea for that bit is handy links to fitbaw related stuff so all thoughts welcome. The media stuff will be where all the photos, videos and so on will live so there will always be a permanent record of how pish we all are. The archives and just the archives which I doubt anyone looks at anyway.
One thing I am going to try and dig out form the old site is the old MOTM reports as they were quite funny to read over now and again. Anyone fancy taking on that task again this season? No? Thought not.
The old site had an RSS feed so you could be notified when new stuff went up (news, team listings, MOTM polls, etc) and I am well aware that not many of you use RSS feeds and by this point you are already bored to tears with it. So, the new site has the same feed but I have also set it up so that you can receive notifications of new posts direct to your inbox via email! How jazzy! So, if you're interested in the RSS feed then this is the address - http://feeds.feedburner.com/fitbaw but if you want to receive email notifications then go and subscribe.
I'll update the design of the site so that both these links are at the bottom of the page and also add the links to the links page for future reference.