The end of Fitbaw?

Friday, 11 December 2015

Hi guys,

You're on this email because, at one time or another, you've played fives in the Wednesday night game known as Fitbaw. Fitbaw started way back in 2004 and this season is now our 12th. However, due to a large number of injuries, people moving away, change of jobs, etc., it's also been the worse attended season. Were it not for the many Bosmans and Randoms we've managed to pick up along the way, there wouldn't have been a season at all - 50% of our games have had Bosmans in them and we've had to cancel 2 as well which never happens!

With this in mind, I'm not sure if Fitbaw will continue in 2016. I've been organising ten men onto the park week in and week out for 12 years and after this season, I'm not sure I can continue to do so. It's just a total pain in the arse - chasing people, waiting for responses, trying to find last minute replacements, hoping that we can get Bosmans and when we do, hoping they actually turn up. I am willing to keep doing all of this, just so I can get a game of fives once a week, but it depends on the responses to this email. Also, with the increased pitch prices, if we have anoy more than 2 Bosmans, we end up out of pocket each game and there's no longer a kitty to cover any of this.

What I'm looking for is to re-establish the Fitbaw Hardcore - 12 or 13 guys who are willing to turn up every week, other than holidays and injuries. When you're Fitbaw Hardcore, you don't make plans for Wednesdays because you already have them - Fitbaw! When you're Fitbaw Hardcore, you reply ASAP to invites to games, you take part on the MOTM polls and engage with your fellow players. Obviously, things come up and there will be some weeks you can't make a game for various reasons but all I ask is that you do your best to make yourself available every week wherever possible. Are you an existing ringer who wants to be Hardcore? This is your chance!

Maybe you can't make this sort of commitment but are still wanting a game now and then. Great! I'll happily add you to the ringers list. The ringers are the guys that keep the games going when holidays and injuries take their inevitable toll and are just as important as the Hardcore.

So, if you're interested, please let me know if you're wanting to become a Hardcore member or a ringer. Do you know anyone else who is looking for a game? If so, pass this email on and ask them to get in touch. For Fitbaw to realistically continue, we need at least 12 Hardcore and a further 6-8 Ringers. We'll keep the same location and kick off time (Powerleague Townhead, 6:30pm, every Wednesday). If we get enough, then Fitbaw will battle on. If not, this is the the end of Fitbaw as we know it.

The (potentially) last game is this Wednesday so if you're around, and want to play and haven't received a Teamer invite yet, just let me know and I'll see what I can do. If you have received a Teamer invite, do me a favour and reply, eh?

Finally, seeing as this might be the end, if any players from the past want to join us for a few beers on the 19th December, 7pm at The Admiral, it'll be great to see you.

Cheers,
Iain

PS - if I've missed anyone out, please forward it on

New Ringer - Najim Nejma

Tuesday, 7 July 2015


Another new Ringer from Idox - hopefully he'll stick about and we have a chance of bulking the squad up again. Here's his assessment:

  1. Fitness level, out of five, where 1 is “I'll be dead in five minutes and spend the rest in goals” and 5 is “I shall run all day and track back every time we’re in defence”?
    1. probably 2 to 3 ( Depending on the day really)
  2. Skill level, out of five, where 1 is “The ball will likely just bounce of me” and five is “I use both feet with consummate ease and have a fine array of tricks”? 
    1. 2.5
  3. Passing ability, out of five, where 1 is “You're lucky if I can just get the ball away from my feet!” and five is “I'm all about the one touch, total football”?
    1. 3
  4. Speed, out of five, where 1 is “I'm more of a long distance runner” and five is “Usain Bolt!”?
  5. Best position – keeper, defender, defensive midfielder (good distributer), attacking midfielder (goal scorer but not an out and out striker) or striker?
    1. Defender to midfielder ( I can pass good balls but not good at scoring)
  6. Footballing history – any useful info. Did you play amateur? More of an 11s player? Once had trials for Barcelona? Anything you think might be relevant.
    1. Used to play often when I worked in city center but haven't played for past year or so

New Ringer - Alex Guidori

Tuesday, 25 November 2014

Alex is a recent start at Idox who normally plays a game on a Wednesday but he's free this week, thankfully. Here's his info:


  1. Fitness level, out of five, where 1 is “I'll be dead in five minutes and spend the rest in goals” and 5 is “I shall run all day and track back every time we’re in defence”? 
    • 3
  2. Skill level, out of five, where 1 is “The ball will likely just bounce of me” and five is “I use both feet with consummate ease and have a fine array of tricks”? 
    • 3
  3. Passing ability, out of five, where 1 is “You're lucky if I can just get the ball away from my feet!” and five is “I'm all about the one touch, total football”? 
    • 4
  4. Speed, out of five, where 1 is “I'm more of a long distance runner” and five is “Usain Bolt!”? 
    • 5 [maybe not usain bolt, but fast enough]
  5. Best position – keeper, defender, defensive midfielder (good distributer), attacking midfielder (goal scorer but not an out and out striker) or striker? 
    • Defender
  6. Footballing history – any useful info. Did you play amateur? More of an 11s player? Once had trials for Barcelona? Anything you think might be relevant. 
    • Played Left Back/Left winger [even though I’m right footed] at amateur level for 6 years. I’m not a prolific goal scorer, more of an assist guy but can stick them away occasionally, Good all round team player. I always track back even if I am burst, Can be pacey but depends on how my knees are doing, at the moment they feel fine.

New Ringer - Andrew Laviers

Tuesday, 4 November 2014

Andrew works at the office here with us Idox chaps. Here's his self assessment:

  1. Fitness level, out of five, where 1 is “I'll be dead in five minutes and spend the rest in goals” and 5 is “I shall run all day and track back every time we’re in defence”? 
    • Probably around 3 (it’s all relative to the age of the competition!)
  2. Skill level, out of five, where 1 is “The ball will likely just bounce of me” and five is “I use both feet with consummate ease and have a fine array of tricks”? 
    • 3.5 (usually a ‘curved performance, peaking between the 20th and 40th minutes)
  3. Passing ability, out of five, where 1 is “You're lucky if I can just get the ball away from my feet!” and five is “I'm all about the one touch, total football”? 
    • 4
  4. Speed, out of five, where 1 is “I'm more of a long distance runner” and five is “Usain Bolt!”? 
    • 3 (see Q1)
  5. Best position – keeper, defender, defensive midfielder (good distributer), attacking midfielder (goal scorer but not an out and out striker) or striker? 
    • Attacking midfielder (although these days you may see me in the defensive role more often)
  6. Footballing history – any useful info. Did you play amateur? More of an 11s player? Once had trials for Barcelona? Anything you think might be relevant. 
    • General pub team type of stuff (pre-28), since then 5s once a week typically

New Ringer - Austin Hutchinson

Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Austin is another one of "The Dads". He says, and I quote "I’ve subcontracted the responses to the undernoted to “my people” who have a certain artistic licence and should answer on the basis of underpromise, overdeliver!", so who knows what we'll get! I'm pretty sure Austin said he used to play at a decent level back in the day.

  1. Fitness level, out of five, where 1 is “I'll be dead in five minutes and spend the rest in goals” and 5 is “I shall run all day and track back every time we’re in defence”? 
    • Hoping a 3 at the moment.
  2. Skill level, out of five, where 1 is “The ball will likely just bounce of me” and five is “I use both feet with consummate ease and have a fine array of tricks”? 
    • I’ll stick with 3.
  3. Passing ability, out of five, where 1 is “You're lucky if I can just get the ball away from my feet!” and five is “I'm all about the one touch, total football”? 
    • Again a 3!
  4. Speed, out of five, where 1 is “I'm more of a long distance runner” and five is “Usain Bolt!”? 
    • 3 is the magic number!
  5. Best position – keeper, defender, defensive midfielder (good distributer), attacking midfielder (goal scorer but not an out and out striker) or striker? 
    • 3....sorry, habit! Attacking midfielder although will migrate to defensive midfielder to decrease pulse and heart rate.
  6. Footballing history – any useful info. Did you play amateur? More of an 11s player? Once had trials for Barcelona? Anything you think might be relevant. 
    • Once scored 9 goals in one 11s game for the BB in an epic 16-4 win, age 10!

New Ringer - Adam Gordon

Wednesday, 18 June 2014

I've known Adam since about 1993. Adam is an "accomplished" sportsman who enjoys playing rugby, tennis and golf. He's run a couple of marathons over the last few years and took park in Tough Mudder on Saturday. One of Adam's main strengths is his unwavering confidence in how own abilities. When I asked him how good he was, he replied with, and I quote, "I'm shit hot" but I reckon Adam would say that about himself for pretty much anything. Here's his self-evaluation:

  1. Fitness level, out of five, where 1 is “I'll be dead in five minutes and spend the rest in goals” and 5 is “I shall run all day and track back every time we’re in defence” 
    • 3 
  2. Skill level, out of five, where 1 is “The ball will likely just bounce of me” and five is “I use both feet with consummate ease and have a fine array of tricks” 
    • 3 
  3. Passing ability, out of five, where 1 is “You're lucky if I can just get the ball away from my feet!” and five is “I'm all about the one touch, total football” 
  4. Speed, out of five, where 1 is “I'm more of a long distance runner” and five is “Usain Bolt!” 
    • 3 
  5. Best position – keeper, defender, defensive midfielder (good distributer), attacking midfielder (goal scorer but not an out and out striker) or striker 
    • Attacking midfielder or striker (I think?) 
  6. Footballing history – any useful info. Did you play amateur? More of an 11s player? Once had trials for Barcelona? Anything you think might be relevant. 
    • I was shit hot at Boughton Primary School, Northamptonshire. I scored a lot of goals with a tennis ball in the playground and then a few with a proper ball when we played other village primary schools. I scored a Hugo Sanchez-style over-head kick in the doggy park when I was 18. I have played once since then. 
So there you go - Adam.

Fitbaw Awards 2013

Monday, 16 December 2013

Introduction


This is the end of our tenth season of Fitbaw. February next year is our official birthday but this is the tenth set of annual awards that we've had. Ten years is a pretty good run and I hope we can still be going in another ten. The pace might end up a little slower but I'm pretty sure we’ll still be kicking lumps out of each other ten years on.


It’s been a pretty good season but one hampered by some long term injuries which has led to two games being cancelled and one 4v4 game too. But we've still had 47 games which isn't bad.


  • Number of times Fitbaw has been 100% Hardcore
    • 6 (88% of games have required a ringer)
  • Number of players to play Fitbaw this year
    • 29
  • Most common injuries
    • Ankle = 37 weeks:
      • Ross - 16 weeks
      • Steve - 11 weeks
      • Alan - 3 weeks
      • Iain - 3 weeks
      • Scott - 3 weeks
      • Stuart - 1 week
  • Player with the least number of injuries
    • Neil = no injuries but missed 6 weeks after his op
    • Robert = 1 week with a dead leg
  • Player with the most injuries
    • Rusty:
      • Shin splints
      • Heel
      • Hammy x 3


Thanks to all the Hardcore players for turning up week in week out but an extra special thanks to the Ringers, without whom we wouldn't actually get a game most weeks. An extra special mention to Gary and Liam who have both played more games than half the supposed “Hardcore”. Maybe we should introduce demotions? We've also welcomed some new semi-regular faces too so thanks to you and all the Ringers once more.


We've also lost a Hardcore member, with Jon retiring at the beginning of the year which finally gave Grant his promotion after 7 seasons as a Ringer. However, with no retirements at the end of this season, unless someone still has something to tell me (Martie? Ross? No? You sure? OK) then there are no promotions this year. Gary, the new Grant, is first in line with Liam and Allan not far behind.




Quiz



With us celebrating a decade of Fitbaw, I thought this would be a good excuse to look back over ten years worth of stats and see who knows what. So, pens at the ready:


Footballer or Fitbawer?



Who has played more games?


  1. Martie or Ruud van Nistelrooy for Man U?
    1. Martie (226 vs 219)
  2. Alan or Kenny Dalglish for Celtic?
    1. Alan (326 vs 322)
  3. Jon or Mark Hateley for Rangers?
    1. Remember Jon had two different Fitbaw spells
    2. Mark Hateley (222 vs 217)
  4. Foxy or Lorenzo Amoruso for Rangers?
    1. Foxy (225 vs 224)
  5. Neil or Graeme Souness for Liverpool?
    1. Stuart (348 vs 359)


POTY Winners



Can you name all the POTY winners over the last ten years? Bonus points for getting them in the right order:


2004. Alan
2005. Foxy
2006. Stuart
2007. Karl
2008. Alan
2009. Alan
2010. Scott
2011. Ross
2012. Steve
2013. Steve


Q: Which ones of these winners is the only player to do the clean sweep of POTY, MOTM, MVP and Wooden Spoon? The answer is Foxy

Who has…?



  1. Played the most games?
    1. Neil - 365
    2. Iain - 350
    3. Stuart - 348
    4. Alan - 326
  2. Most points?
    1. Iain - 541
    2. Alan - 540
    3. Stuart - 519
    4. Neil - 487
  3. Most MOTM wins?
    1. Kyle - 35.5
    2. Scott - 35.24
    3. Steve - 31.33
    4. Ross - 28.66
  4. Best points/games played ratio (MVP)?
    1. Steve - 2.06
    2. Alan - 1.66
    3. Foxy - 1.64
    4. Iain - 1.55


Individual Awards



Players: Martie and Ross



Award: Who Are You? Award


Prop: Life size black silhouette with a white "?" on it masks


Chat: One of these players played the first half of the season, had a good win rate and even a few MOTM votes and a MOTM win - his best start to a season in years. Then he just disappeared with no reasons as to why. As far as we knew, he wasn't injured and he'd already had his washing machine delivered and his Sky installed (twice). He also never turned up at the Summer Extravaganza with no good reason either. This is all down to the fact he has a new girlfriend or dog. Not sure which one is to blame.


The other player had a different start to the season where he couldn't buy a win. Then he did his ankle in, as he does every year, and just never came back even though the rumour is that he’s at the gym and running!


So for becoming a total strangers over the last 6 months, these awards goes to someone called "M-a-r-t-i-e" and a guy called "R-o-s-s", I think. Who are you guys?



Player: Paul



Award: Impotent Rage Award


Prop: Can of spinach, Popeye style


Chat: Imagine the scenario - you've been winning for most of the game, it's the last couple of minutes and the opposition have pulled it back to a draw and then it all goes wrong. The keeper plays the ball outside the D and gives away a penalty. You're furious and the rage builds inside you like a boiling cauldron of burning hot lava. You grab your kit and storm off the pitch, muttering obscenities about the opposition and their mothers. Well, you try to storm off, but even with the power of rage, you can't quite get the door open. It's a bit stuck and so are you. You pull and pull, ever more feebly at the stuck door until you finally admit that, despite the power of the rage, you’re just not strong enough to open a door. Slowly, the rage cools and you trudge back the rest of the players and humbly shake hands thinking “I need more spinach in my diet”.



Player: Scott



Award: One Trick Pony Award


Prop: Horse's head mask


Chat: As Robert pointed out midway through the season "all he's got is a turn and shoot", at which point, Scott turned, shot and scored and proceeded to do so for the rest of the season. Had it not been for his injury with three games to, he would probably have taken home the POTY award but instead, Scotty wins the "One Trick Pony" award!



Player: Steven



Award: The “Pride” of FItbaw Award


Prop: Gay pride statue


Chat: The US Army has a policy called "Don't ask, don't tell" meaning "we'll not ask if you're gay if you don't tell us if you are" and you can serve, no problem. In our squad, we have one player who we're never really sure about either. He seems to like the ladies but never missed an opportunity to touch another player and is always happy to take his top off. He's even recently taken to just wearing a compression top so he can show off the abs without having to even bother removing his top - that's dedication. This year also saw him get his ass waxed - for what? We’re too scared to ask. However, here at Fitbaw, we don't mind which way he swings because we know he's fabulous inside and out. Steve wins the “Pride of FItbaw Award” award.



Player: Stuart



Award: Daz Ultra Award


Prop: Small pack of Daz washing powder


Chat: Now this player has had a few interesting kit choices of the years but nothing else quite compares to his Mince outfit a few weeks ago. Apparently struggling for kit due to all his recent manly sporting pursuits (badminton, or poof tennis, as it's known, and a nice bit of field hockey), he was forced into wearing white shorts, white socks and a plain white cotton t-shirt from Primark, somewhat resembling a refugee. However, all were blindingly white so for that, we award Stuard the "Daz Ultra" award.



Player: Kyle



Award: Waaaaambulance Award


Prop: Toy ambulance


Chat: Now it's never funny when someone gets injured, especially when it's a bad one. However, when their first shout is "I NEED AN AMBULANCE" things do become slightly amusing. What's even funnier is when 5 minutes later, he's back on his feet and feeling a little sheepish. We were delighted that he didn't need one in the end but to make sure he's always got his ambulance in case of emergencies, here's the "Waaaaambulance" award for Kyle.



Player: Neil



Award: Doppelganger Award


Prop: Glasses, nose, mustache combo disguise


Chat: The theory is that everyone out there has a doppelganger - someone who look just you do but completely different in every other aspect. This season, during the one four vs four match, we had, we witnessed one of our longest serving players cunningly replaced by their own doppelganger. This opposite version of this person proceeded to dazzle on the pitch, beating the entire opposition on a number of occasions and scoring with ease. There were turns, tricks, headers, volleys - everything! So Neil receives the "Doppelganger" award. Maybe if you see him again you can hand over the award and maybe convince this mysterious look-a-likey to join us more often?



Player: Grant



Award: Vanilla Award


Prop: An ice cream cone with a string so it be tied under the chin so his head becomes the ice cream


Chat: This player, when not injured, turns up week in, week out and just does a job. He doesn't make that many mistakes, occasionally has a moment of brilliance but, generally, he just plays a good pass or makes sure he tracks back or chips in with the odd goal. If we compare him to ice cream, he might not be your first choice of chocolate or as exciting as rum and raisin but he’s always there as a good fallback option that everyone likes. So for that reason, we’d like to award Grant the "Vanilla" award along with this lovely chin attachment.



Player: Alan



Award: Iceman Award


Prop: A scroll with the Club Rules on it


Chat: Now this award isn't because this player is particularly cool. Nor is this award because he flies fighter plans for the American Navy and plays volleyball with his top off. It's also not because he's a mutant that can spray ice everywhere. This award goes to this player because he slips and slides everywhere - he just can't stay on his feet! Despite the rules stating that no slide tackles are allowed (something I think we should revisit!), this player manages to skirt round this more than often and still get away with it. That man is, of course, Alan who wins the "Iceman" award and, just in case he’s not sure, a copy of the official rules.



Player: Robert



Award: Positive Reinforcement Award


Prop: “Well Done” stickers


Chat: This award goes to the most vocal player on the pitch. It didn't matter if you were winning or losing, he was right there to tell you why that pass was the wrong option, that you’re standing in the wrong place, that you’re not moving enough, that you’re moving too much, etc, etc. However, over the last few months, there’s been a new aspect to his chat. It’s been positive, congratulatory, even downright encouraging. Gone is the angry Robert and he’s been replaced by the helpful, positive Robert (who will still put you into the boards without thinking twice). Is it a coincidence that his change in attitude started when Ross got injured? Who knows! But for all his encouragement of late, I would like to present Robert with the “Positive Reinforcement” award and these lovely “Well Done!” stickers so he can continue his good work.


Player: Iain


Award: "I want to be like Steve" Award

Prop: “If you had fun you won” trophy


Annual Awards



Most Valuable Player - Best points to games played ratio



Winner = Steve. Played 25, won 18 and lost only 7.
Runner up = Martie. Played 20, won 11 and lost 9.
Loser = Paul. Played 22, lost 15 and only won 6.


Players’ Player of the Year - Most MOTM wins



Winner = Steve. 6 wins.
Runners up = Kyle, Neil, Ross, Scott & Grant. 3 wins each.
Loser = Paul. 0 wins.


Wooden Spoon/Smelly Sanny - Least points



Winner = Paul. 19.22 points.
Runner up = Kyle. 25.2 points.


Player of the Year - Most points



Winner = Steve. 54.25 points.
Runner up = Robert. 52.35 points.


Yes, Steve’s won all three awards again, for the second year running. Or has he? At this stage, it’s worth mentioning a young gentleman from a foreign land full of green hills, leprechauns and Guinness. Liam used to play with us years ago but then became unavailable for some reason. Anyway, his first game back was at the end of March and since then, he’s played 31 games.


What’s more interesting is the number of those games that Liam’s won which is 19 which actually put his POTY score at 61.31 which seems to be more than the 54.25 that Steve has.


Now, Liam’s not Hardcore so he can't technically win POTY, so the records will show that Steve won it again this year but we all know the truth! Congratulations to Liam, I mean Steve!


Epilogue



So there we have it, the 2013 Fitbaw season is over and, according to the stats, the “Team of the Year” is:


  1. Steve
  2. Robert
  3. Scott
  4. Stuart
  5. Iain

If anyone’s unhappy with their award then those are the ones that Robert did. If anyone if particularly pleased with theirs, then I take full credit. Here’s hoping 2014 is a lot more less injury prone and thanks to all for playing and coming today. Now let’s get (more) pissed!

Next Match

See the Teamer page for upcoming games. All matches are played on pitch 8 unless otherwise stated.

MOTM

You can submit your MOTM votes via the Teamer page.